Darby sees self-acceptance as a strategic necessity for people who hold power.
In business, especially at senior levels, most people are rewarded for projection:
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Confidence over clarity
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Certainty over honesty
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Control over presence
Self-acceptance cuts against that conditioning.
For Darby, self-acceptance means:
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Knowing your strengths and your limits without defensiveness
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Acknowledging fear, fatigue, or doubt without letting them drive behavior
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Letting go of the need to be internally flawless in order to remain externally effective
She often works with leaders who believe that if they admit vulnerability—even to themselves—they’ll lose authority. Darby challenges that belief directly:
Unacknowledged insecurity doesn’t disappear. It leaks into power.
It shows up as:
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Over-control
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Micromanagement
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Emotional distance
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Aggression masked as decisiveness
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An inability to hear dissent
Self-acceptance is what stops that leak.
When you accept what is actually happening inside you, you regain choice. Without acceptance, power becomes reactive instead of intentional.
Self-Love Without Ego or Indulgence
Darby’s concept of self-love is functional, not performative.
Self-love, in her framework, is not:
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Excusing poor behavior
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Avoiding accountability
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Centering your feelings over outcomes
Self-love is:
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Holding yourself to high standards without cruelty
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Allowing learning without humiliation
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Separating mistakes from identity
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Treating yourself as someone worth leading
In power dynamics, leaders often internalize the idea that worth is conditional:
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On results
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On approval
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On dominance
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On never needing help
Darby sees this as corrosive.
When self-worth is conditional, leaders either:
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Harden to survive, or
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Burn out trying to earn legitimacy
Self-love interrupts both patterns.
It allows a leader to say:
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“I failed here—and I’m still capable.”
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“This didn’t work—and I can learn.”
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“I don’t need to punish myself to stay sharp.”
That internal stance creates steadiness others can feel.
Power Dynamics: Where Self-Acceptance Matters Most
Darby pays close attention to how unexamined power distorts relationships.
In business, power dynamics often activate old survival patterns:
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Proving
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Dominating
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Withdrawing
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Performing invulnerability
Without self-acceptance, leaders unconsciously reenact these dynamics with:
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Employees
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Boards
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Partners
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Family
Darby helps clients recognize that how you relate to power externally mirrors how you relate to yourself internally.
If you’re at war with your own limits, you’ll punish them in others.
If you fear losing control internally, you’ll grasp for it externally.
Self-acceptance creates internal alignment. Alignment creates clean power.
Clean power looks like:
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Calm authority
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Clear boundaries
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The ability to tolerate disagreement
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The ability to make hard calls without dehumanizing people
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Influence without intimidation
Love as a Stabilizing Force in Leadership
One of Darby’s deepest beliefs—rooted in both her personal history and leadership experience—is that love is not the opposite of power; it’s what keeps power from becoming destructive.
She speaks about love as:
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Fierce
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Non-transactional
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Grounded in respect rather than sentiment
In business, this shows up as:
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Caring about people without collapsing boundaries
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Making painful decisions without contempt
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Leading without needing to be feared to be effective
Self-love is where this begins.
If you can’t extend patience, respect, and fairness to yourself, you won’t sustainably extend it to others—especially under stress.
Why This Matters to the People Darby Supports
Darby works with people who are often externally powerful and internally exhausted. Many have learned that survival means suppressing parts of themselves.
Her work helps them:
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Integrate power with humanity
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Lead without armor
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Maintain authority without emotional isolation
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Feel whole instead of split
Self-acceptance and self-love, in Darby’s work, are not about becoming softer.
They’re about becoming more stable, more precise, and more trustworthy with power.
That stability is what allows leaders to be fully seen—by others and by themselves—without losing effectiveness.